So currently as of now, I haven’t self harmed in about a month. I relapsed the week before school ended and was in danger of having my psychiatrist and therapist notified which horrified me. Since, I was admitted to a psych hospital 3 times in one year, 2012, if they knew of me relapsing at all, I would be sent to a two year psychiatric facility. Not that I want one, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t look good that I’ve had to sign two forms saying I have to wait five years before I can legally own a gun. I’ve been, distant as of late. Deactivated my Facebook and my phone is always on “Do Not Disturb”- I shun everyone who tries to reach out to me. I don’t allow them in. I refuse to speak to anyone unless I necessarily have to(my guardian, doctors, occasionally family). I’ve been keeping myself inside the house, sleeping majority of the days away, avoiding consciousness. My Zoloft isn’t working, but I’ve only been on it for two months since coming off of a prescription of Prozac for seven months. I just, haven’t been optimistic about a thing at all as of late. I got out of an abusive relationship about four months ago and when that creature comes to mind I just feel like ending everything. I’ve been trying to keep myself same by playing music, generally grunge and alternative and reading tons of F. Scott Fitzgerald books and poems and works by Sylvia Plath. So I’m glad about that. I’ve been talking to a pretty decent guy Named Nick, and I like him a lot. I just try my best to not feel too much to avoid getting too emotionally attached to him, just in case I never get a chance to be with him or just lose him the way I’ve lost so many amazing people who have entered my life. My grandmother has gotten I’ll again and I’m about to lose all remaining shreds of humanity and sanity. So, this is it as of my update. Boring and sad. Oh well.